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The D-word

December 7th, 2008 at 10:40 pm

I don't know if i'm being a little immature, but I'm pissed off!

My husband went to a football game last night, but gave me a bullshit excuse that he had to meet all his single friends three hours before the game started so they can get drunk before the game. We agreed that I was going to pick him up after the game, but after the game ended, he decided he wanted to party w/them. Well, long story short, he didn't come home that night. It's 3:40 p.m. and he just came home.

To me, I don't think any married man should be partying w/his single friends by the college campus housing. I'm irritated that he screws me over all the time, and i'm tired of dealing with him. I'm contemplating a divorce because it's clear that he's not going to change. I figured that since i'm still young, I can find someone else to make me happy instead of waiting for him to change thirty years later.

Am I overreacting?

Posted in Drama Department | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “The D-word”

  1. mom-sense Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 11:07 pm 1228691273
    1228691273


    Only you know what the limits are to what you will tolerate. I don't think you are out of line expecting a husband who will behave like a husband. I think that everyone should be able to go out and fun some of the time with their friends. An all nighter with single guys ... not even an option here. What would your DH say if you had a night out with the girls and didn't make it home til the next afternoon? Maybe marriage counseling might be in order.

  2. Analise Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 12:05 am 1228694746
    1228694746

    Wow. Your husband has to get drunk before the game, then stays out all night partying with the boys while you are home with your children. You asked if you are over-reacting by being upset. I can only speak for me, but I would be furious if my dh displayed such immature behavior. Something is wrong when you have to get drunk to enjoy an event. Does he have a drinking problem? I'd talk to a counselor because this is destructive behavior... for him and for you marriage.

  3. monkeymama Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 12:09 am 1228694958
    1228694958

    I wouldn't care if my spouse had an all-nighter with his friends. What I would care about is if he was inconsiderate to me. If I was waiting up to drive him home, and he didn't bother to call. Stuff like that. (& my spouse would agree. We're adults and we trust each other).

    If you're unhappy and he doesn't care, well, that's the bigger problem. If it makes you uncomfortable and he doesn't respect that. Better communication or marriage counseling could help. That's my 2 cents.

    If my husband was out drunk every night, yeah, that would be another story. Somewhat agree with Analise.

  4. noxqsez Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 12:25 am 1228695932
    1228695932

    My husband drinks every weekend with his friends, and Sunday's is his "recovering" day from the hangovers. I wish he would try to stop being a 22 year old, and realize that he has responsibilities for his family.

    He walked into the house this afternoon as if he didn't do anything wrong....It hurts me because I don't know what he did at the party. I mean, single friends and he's the only one married, and even better, close to a college campus??

    I brought up the suggestion for marriage counseling, and he refuses. Says we didn't need it.

  5. HouseHopeful Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 01:16 am 1228698985
    1228698985

    I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I don't really have advice, but I wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

  6. Ms. Pearl Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 01:39 am 1228700397
    1228700397

    wow. You guys are quite young but what your husband did was extremely immature. I can't say what I would do but if this is a habit you need to address asap.

  7. homebody Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 02:20 am 1228702856
    1228702856

    Ah to be young again....I was married with 2 babies when I was a year older than you. My husband would get drunk out with friends and I did have to pick him up once, but I don't remember him staying out all night. But then he did go hunting every weekend during hunting season and was gone for 2 nights, he may have been drinking, who knows. This is definitely over my pay grade. I'm sure counseling is covered with DH being in the military. Take advantage, even if you go alone. Your kids deserve at least that.

  8. Koppur Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 04:23 am 1228710181
    1228710181

    I wouldn't have a problem if my guy did the out all night with the guys thing, but if he was inconsiderate enough to not ask if I was cool with that, leave me waiting for his phone call, then strolled in like it was no big deal the next day, well, I'd flip out too. Have you guys been married long? I don't mean to sound rude, but 22 is young, and most guys who are 22 will act like dumb 22 year olds. Heck, most guys who are 32 still act like dumn 22 year olds. I think a big issue is that you are unhappy and he is not willing to even try counseling to make you happy. I hope things settle down and get better for you. *hugs*

  9. lizajane Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 05:24 am 1228713891
    1228713891

    I don't think you're overreacting by being mad, but you might be overreacting by thinking about divorce -- unless this is a habitual problem that you feel cannot be fixed no matter what. If he feels you don't need counseling as a couple to deal with it, then he should be ready, willing, and able to talk to you about how to resolve the issue. He probably thinks the only way he can connect with his pals is by hanging with them every weekend. It doesn't matter if his pals are all single or married, drinking every weekend enough that he needs to recover on Sundays is not social drinking. You hit the nail on the head when you said he needs to "realize that he has responsibilities for his family." Friends aren't #1 anymore.

  10. Ima saver Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 02:51 pm 1228747877
    1228747877

    I went thru what you are going thru, for 12 years. I had a husband who just wanted to be with the boys all the time and never with me. What a wasted 12 years. I finally divorced and found someone who wanted to spend every night with me. We have never been apart one night in almost 32 years.

  11. CouponAddict Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 03:30 pm 1228750207
    1228750207

    You say how old you are but dont say how old your DH is? Is he 22 acting 22? Or is he 28 acting 22?

    How long have you been married? Has he been acting this way the whole time or is this a one time "I am moving to another state to join the Army and leaving all my buddies behind" type event?

    I would be upset about the 3:40pm; I would have expected him to show up at home atleast by 10am. Where was he from 10am until 3:40pm.



  12. noxqsez Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 03:56 pm 1228751766
    1228751766

    Hi CouponAddict,

    My husband is the same age as I am, and we'll be married for 4 years in January. Ever since we moved to Tucson, it's always been about drinking and parties. I thought that this was just a phase, but it's been going on ever since.

    About the 3:40pm, he said that he decided to sleep in since he doesn't get to do that much w/the kiddos always being loud.

  13. ceejay74 Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 05:00 pm 1228755638
    1228755638

    That's a hard one. I partied a lot into my late twenties, but 1) I don't have children and 2) my significant other was also into partying, and we went everywhere together. There should be a middle ground where you guys both get to act 22 now and then, but there also has to be more responsibility than with childless 20somethings. Also, the seeming lack of consideration and reciprocation would bother me: He leaves you alone every weekend? Does he ever watch the kids and let you go partying all night? Does he make time for date nights for just the two of you? If you aren't both really committed to give-and-take, and spending lots of time together this early in the marriage, I'm not sure it will get better without addressing these issues head-on.

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