I have this tradition that I do before the New Year, and it's to clean the house spotless, get rid of old/unused things, and reorganize the house. It's a little asian tradition that my family did for years, but the husband does not understand. We do it to rid the house of "bad" luck, and start fresh for the New Year bringing "good" luck.

I know, I know, it sounds stupid, but it's important to me, and the husband thinks it's silly. So now, I'm trying to do all this on my own. How could I? I have two girls who wants my attention 24/7, a dog who loves tearing shit up, and a husband who doesn't pick up after himself. To make things worst, I have to plan Christmas dinner, buy presents, and finish my finals for class. I feel like i'm barely keeping myself above water, and it's killing me!

I desperately wish I had the help I need to make all this go away.

There are days when I feel that things will never work between me and my husband. We are just two different people, and want different things in life. I like to save so that someday, I won't have to worry about money. The husband is all about living in the now, spend money now to feel good about yourself and worry about everything later. I just don't want to live like that.

Yesterday, he transfered money into his account from our savings, and I nearly had a panic attack. I thought we agreed we wouldn't touch the money, and just pretend the money didn't exist. I was WRONG!! The thing that pissed me off more was that he was using the money on alcohol. I don't know how to get through to him, and make him realize how all this money stuff is important to me.

to be back in Hawaii with my family right now. I envy the life I could've had if I had stayed with my dad, but things happen for a reason. I don't regret having a baby and getting married at 18, moving away from family, and living on my own because I'm somewhat proud of the person i've become. Granted, that there are things i'd want to change like getting a degree, a great paying job, etc, but those type of things take time, and as long as I'm still going to school and working towards those things, it'll happen one day.

I just found out that my dad bought his second house in Ewa Beach. The funny thing is that he bought his first house back in July. He's going through all these crazy ventures to make sure my daughters can live a good life. He calls them "Trust Fund babies". I can't believe that my girls have a house, and they're under the age of 5. There's just a catch in order for the to inherit everything from my dad:

1) They have to finish college w/bachelors degree.
2) They can't be married or have babies until after college.

If they don't complete these two things that my dad asks of them, they won't get anything from him which is pretty understandable. My dad had high hopes for me when I was younger, and getting pregnant at 17 wasn't one of them. It was a major disappointment, and he cut me off of his life for two years.

Now, I'm just trying to make my dad proud of me by getting a degree, being successful in whatever I chose to do, and standing on my own financially.